I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
