i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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