Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
