sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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