It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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