do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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