i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
do nipples grow back?
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