How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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