office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
