i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
