thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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