i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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