she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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