New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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