I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
