I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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