i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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