the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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