i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
