arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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