There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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