I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
