My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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