It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
