I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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