I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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