Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
