I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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