It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I supernannyed him into submission
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
