Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
