Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
