do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
