I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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