guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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