the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
