in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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