I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
