Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
