How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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