you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
