Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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