We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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