dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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