they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
