North Korea, Best Korea!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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