mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
