Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
