so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
