Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
