Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
