Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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