Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
